Popular
by Drama-freakz
Summary: France and England are in a battle. But, this battle is to figure out the other person's true name. Which could give them leverage over one another in war tactics or paying for lunch. Who will win? Rated K  for language. I don't own Hetalia or Wicked.


_Dear diary, _

_This is Francis, yet again. I've finally conjured the perfect plan! To get the horrid England to reveal to me his true name. We've been in the battle for nearly three weeks yet he has yet to pull a prank other that the one on the first day that I cleverly dodged! I mean you couldn't expect less from me! The land of love~! But I finally the plan popped into my head! The MOST devious! The MOST evil! The most… Cunning…" _

**Dear Journal, **

**It had come recently to my attention that the frog, France has truly been taking his defeat only 20 days ago today, harshly. He is no longer speaking to me. Thank the lord for that! But also he has been spreading some quite nasty rumors regarding my failure in being able to "Prank" him. **

**I indeed DID prank him. I pranked the poor tart hard enough he ran home crying, I would feel bad…But I hate him. **

**It started with the simple plan to trip him, forcing him to land in Russia's lap during the UN meeting. But I thought of something even more brilliant! **

**I tied a rope around America's waist and feed him three chocolate bars, two liters of Cola, Three cups of coffee and a Gatorade before it finally worked, but alas it did. America was running faster than a train. Bolting around the hallways and tearing through meetings. I had put a large mask over his face that resembled a boy scout. France's worst nightmare! HA! **

**So Alfred tore down the building and eventually ran into France, who I got Spain to sprinkle hamburger seasoning on. France peed himself screamed and ran away as Alfred chased him mouth drooling for the food substance. **

**The poor Wanker was cursing in French nearly the entire time! It was bloody hilarious. He claims he "dodged" the attack when he obviously didn't. **

**I think he'll try to get me back, but oh well, this will be fun anyway. **

March 10th, 2011 8:03 A.M.:

England marched up to the UN meeting feeling utterly over joyed with the satisfaction that he would get to see France again, see his face, perhaps he would still be paranoid and crying. Maybe America had scarred him for life.

France grumbled to himself. England would pay! He would embarrass the HELL out of him! And there was nothing the lobster could do about it!

March 10th, 2011 9:05 A.M.:

There he was! The bloody wanker was about five feet in front of him, but sadly he looked unusually chipper. Flirting with everyone that passed him, male or female, apparently didn't matter, he would simply pat them on the rear or wink. England groaned. What a flirt and a freak! But he was in the lead! He was winning so France couldn't do ANYTHING about it!

Oh no! There was England! But alas the plan was already set up in the meeting hall. There would be no stopping him now. France's plan was a go and as soon as England thought he were off the hook it would start again. England's name would certainly be exposed and France could black mail him with it! Use it in war terms, force him to sign legal documents! Make HIM pay the tip when they went on their European dinners with the rest of Europe!

"Bonjour en Angleterre!" France winked.

"What do you want you wanker?" England demanded. "And speak bloody English!"

"Non." France laughed and flipped his hair in the direction of England. "Comment stupide vous regardez aujourd'hui ! Vous ugly homard!" He cackled. "Mais évidemment lorsque j'ai terminé avec vous, vous aurez encore pire!"

Lucky! France was LUCKY that England didn't speak a lick of French. Oh well! That horrid language was not WORTH learning anyway. Well it would be if HE wasn't their personification! Well anyway England would be late to the meeting if he didn't move quickly. So, he tugged on his collar to make sure it was tight enough and stepped into the room.

Then it went to Hell.

"_England, now that we've become friends I've decided to make you my new project!" _France laughed stepping up next to him.

"_You really don't have to do that!" _England snapped, unknowingly falling strait into France's plan.

"_I know! That's what makes me so nice!" _France seemed to be in complete control of what he was saying. No cracks, no giggles, no chuckles, no laughs. Complete and utter control!

"_When ever I see someone less fortunate than I, and let's face who isn't less fortunate than I? My tender heart tends to start to bleed!" _England began to fret as France dragged England in front of the entire world, literally, and sat him in what looked like a barber's chair.

"_And when someone needs a make over I simple have to take over! I know I know exactly what they need!" _France seemed to be enjoying himself as he grabbed a large pair of what looked like hedge trimmers from his pocket and headed for England's hair.

"NO! NO!" England screamed.

"_And even in your case! Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face! Don't worry! I'm determined to succeed!" _

"NO! You will not succeed! Get away from me!"

"_Follow my lead, and yes indeed …you… will… be…" _France paused and dipped his head. The people at the meeting clapped. Maybe all this was over! _"POPULAR!" _France boomed. "_You're gonna be popular! I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh! I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair! Everything that really counts to be…" _

"Oh please God no!" England cried and attempted to run as France began hacking away at his perfect hair. "Stop! France stop!" He cried. France looked overly happy to continue slicing away at the poor young man's hair.

"_POPULAR! I'll help you be popular! You'll hang with the right cohorts you'll be good at sports! Know the slang you've got to know! So let's start 'cause you've got an awfully long way to go!" _

"I'm NOT going anywhere! In fact- wait! Stop! Get away from me with that brassiere!" England cried.

"_Don't be offended by my frank analysis, think of it as personality dialysis! Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister, and advisor: there's nobody_ wiser! _Not when it comes to…_"

"France! I demand that you stop this or I'll bomb your ass so-NO! NO!" France smirked as he pulled out a completely stocked make up kit.

"_POPULAR! I know about popular! And with an assist from me to be who you'll be, instead of dreary who you were…well…are. There's nothing that can stop you, from becoming popular…lar…" _

"Enough already please!" England begged his blush feeling like it stretched all the way over his body.

"_LA, LA! LA, LA! We're gonna make you Pop-u-lar! When I see depressing creatures with unprepossessing features, I remind them on their own behalf to-think-of celebrated heads of state or specially great communicators! Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh." _France then began to spin England in his chair and an unfairly high speed.

"STOP!" England cried as he spun makeup clad face, destroyed hair and shredded clothes.

"_They were popular! Please! It's all about popular! It's not about aptitude! It's the way you're viewed, so it's very shrewd to be, very very popular like ME! Why, Miss England, look at you! You're beautiful!" _

"I HAVE TO GO!" England screamed and yanked off the ropes that France had tied around him and he ran out of the room.

"_And though you protest! Your disinterest! I know clandestinely, you're gonna grin and bear it! Your new found popularity! LA, LA-LA LA! You'll be popular! Just not quite as popular as MEEEE!" _France cried after him.

"I think I won." France smiled and turned back to the rest of the countries in the room..

"If you weren't paying us, dude, I've had kicked your ass by now!"

"Ja! You went to far!" Germany agreed with America. "But I think you two are equal now."

"Equal? Non! We are MORE than equal! I WON!" France smiled.

"Did you get his name?" Germany asked.

"Non…"

"Then you didn't win." Germany stated.

"Oh non! I have to go get it!" France screamed and ran out the room. As he left the room England swung down from the door way. Causing France to yet again start to wail in horror.

"FRANCIS! IT'S FRANCIS!" He cried.


End file.
